Three weeks ago I had surgery and lost my baby.
I thought this grieving process would get easier, but it's getting harder and harder. I keep wishing I could have said "goodbye" and "I love you". I wish I could have had a funeral and buried my baby instead of just having it taken away from me at the hospital. I struggle with those thoughts the most; my baby should have been celebrated instead of just thrown away. It kills me everyday.
Everyone tells me to keep moving forwards; but when my body and mind are in the past, how do you move forwards?
I wish I knew Kim, I struggle with those thoughts every day about Poppy. I'm not trying to compare, because you can't, but the feelings and thoughts are very similar.
ReplyDeleteI never got to say goodbye either, but then again, I don't know if I could have. Sometimes things just happen for a reason that we can't understand at the time.
I hope you feel better soon, and only you can know when it is time to move forward. Don't be hard on yourself, it's still early on and moving forward is a very hard thing to do. If you need to be in the past, then that's what you should do. You will know when it's time to more forward, nobody can tell you when to. Don't try and skip over the feelings you have, you have to go through them, as hard as it may be. You can't heal until you do.
Stay in the past honey as long as you need to. People will tell you to move on but I know that sometimes being in the past is the way to heal. I have spent more time living in the past this last year than ever before in my life. When you don't get to say goodbye or understand what happened that is what we do. Believe me in time you can put one foot in front of the other and move forward.
ReplyDeleteI listen to songs on my mp3 player on my way to work everyday and for the longest time there were so many songs that reminded me of Poppy I couldn't listen to them. Over the past 4-5 months though I have been playing those songs with happy, sometimes even laughing memories. I have started to move forward.
No one can say how long it will take to move forward and be happy and again but one thing I know for sure...you will.
You have so many people who love and care for you.