A funny poem

A funny poem I came across today: 


Anything, I'll do anything-
Temperature charts, Tes-Tape, Litmus paper;
Abstinence to maximize sperm count;
Lying on my back with a pillow under my behind and
my legs up like a beetle; 
Vitamin A, Vitamin E, Zinc; 
Anything I'll do ANYTHING;
But please-oh please, 
Just don't ask me to "just relax."

CD3 - Testing, testing!

Well as I thought last cycle was a bust. AF showed her nasty head a few days ago. I was disappointed but can't say I was too surprised because I just KNEW it wasn't our cycle. It was a combination of things.....the egg being so big (over mature), the egg releasing from my right side (Both times I was pregnant it was my left side), having the Ureaplasma infection come back, among many other things. I had my cry the day AF showed up, but I got over it pretty quickly and I'm now looking forward to this cycle.


I'm heading into the Fertility Clinic today for my cycle day 3 testing-an ultrasound and blood work. We'll see how many follicles have started growing and how my lining is. I'll also start the Femara tonight and take it for 5 days. Hopefully I get a nice, big, healthy eggie on the left side this time!!

10 DPO

Well, it looks (like I thought) that this cycle is a bust. I feel very PMS-y and I got a negative pregnancy test yesterday. As the ladies say on my forum, you're not out until ugly AF shows her face....but I really don't think this is the cycle. I feel nothing like my other two pregnancy cycles. I really tried not to get my hopes up, but it's impossible not to. I'm going to be crushed when AF shows. Oh well, part of the process.


We want to go ahead and do another cycle on the Femara but we're not sure how it will work out with Christmas (I would most likely be O'ing around Christmastime). We'll have to talk to the clinic and see what they suggest.


That's it for me. Just waiting. 

3DPO

I've been meaning to write a post for quite a while now, but life always seemed to get in the way. I apologize to those who have been waiting for a new post!


Today I would have been 20 weeks and I've been doing a lot of reflecting and reminiscing. I would have been halfway through my pregnancy. Yet everything is different now. Although I still have my bad days (yesterday was one, I spent most of the day in bed) I feel a sense of hope too. I know we will have a child eventually, whether it's through myself, a surrogate or adoption; I feel like we were meant to be parents. I just really, really hope I never have to go through another miscarriage; I don't think I'm strong enough for that.


I'm now 3DPO (days past ovulation) and I'm in the anxious 2WW wait. I took my Femara and produced one large follicle (2.7 when last measured) but I wasn't ovulating on my own. So I had to get the trigger shot. Not fun. For those who don't know, it's a shot into your belly (just below your bellybutton) that triggers you to ovulate. I got the shot last Saturday morning and believe I ovulated late Sunday night (based on the pain and cramping). The annoying thing about the trigger shot is that it contains hCG (pregnancy hormone) so if I test to see if I am pregnant I'll get a false positive. That means I have to wait until next Saturday (if AF doesn't come first) to go in for a pregnancy test (blood test). Since every body is different, they don't know for sure when the hCG will leave my body, therefore I can't be sure if I have a true positive pregnancy test or not. If you know me in person, I'm not the most patient person in the world, and waiting for either AF or a pregnancy test is BRUTAL for me!


I don't feel this is our cycle. Too many things have happened. I've had a UTI, Hubby and I both had to get treated (again) for Ureaplasma infections, I found out I have a slow thyroid and was put on medication.....and that's just a few things going on right now. Even though I got a large follicle and ovulated, it just doesn't feel right. I'm OK with that though, it's only our first cycle trying after the D&C. I would love to be pregnant for Christmas-most people have no idea how hard it is for people TTC through the holidays; there are children and babies everywhere. If I'm not pregnant though, I'm going to do my best to work through it and concentrate on the next cycle. It's just exhausting, going to the FC every other day......but I am thankful have been able to get pregnant in the first place. 


For those who are praying for us and keeping their fingers crossed, please continue to do so. I feel supported by my amazing husband, family and friends, and for that I am truly grateful. 

Femara and Follies

I'm back at the Fertility Clinic. I started Femara on CD3 and went in for an ultrasound and blood work yesterday. I have a bunch of follicles growing, the two biggest being 1.2 and 1.4 on my right side. I go for another ultrasound and more blood work tomorrow, so we'll see how much they've grown. I'm hoping to O this weekend; that would be awesome. The RE raised my Femara from 5mg to 7.5mg and I've noticed a lot of aching and pain in my ovaries. Hopefully that means I'll get at least one good egg. I'll update after my u/s and b/w tomorrow. 


I'm still working through things with my therapist. I wrote a letter to Ike today and had a good long cry. I would have been 19 weeks today. I didn't realize how angry I still am. I do feel "cleansed" (for lack of a better word) after writing to Ike. I'm going to put the letter away with the rest of the baby stuff we have (I keep receiving things I signed up for, like free formula and coupons, *sigh*). I hope someday soon we'll be able to open the box with my maternity clothes, our coupons/free stuff, and the teddy bear my Mom bought for Ike. 


I keep telling myself we'll get to open that box again. Eventually.