Our history

Hubby and I decided we wanted to try for a child more than a year ago. We got married in 2008, and spent some amazing times together just to two of us. We decided it was time for 3. So I threw out the birth control, and we figured that was it. I had no idea how naive we both were.


We thought it might take a couple months, but we didn't think we'd have any problems. We were both young and ready. Based on family history, I should be extremely fertile. Easy, right?

We tried everything. "Going with the flow", going crazy, using OPK's and anything else we could think of. Eventually we got a referral to a Fertility Clinic in town. We were nervous, but hopeful we could get some answers.


Right before my first official FC cycle I got my first BFP (that's "Big Fat Positive" in blog speak). We were beyond overjoyed. I was monitored by the clinic, and they noticed my beta levels were not rising as much as they should have been. We lost Timbit at 5 weeks 2 days. Luckily I did not need a D&C, but going through a "natural miscarriage" was awful. It was painful, emotionally difficult and frustrating.


We wanted to start trying again right away. I went through one cycle of "observation" which meant blood work and an ultrasound every other day. Needless to say it took up a lot of time, but was necessary, and the clinic staff-from the receptionist to the techs to the doctors-were awesome. After the end of the cycle I was diagnosed with PCOS and put onto Metformin. The next cycle I monitored carefully again and from CD (cycle day) 4-9 I was put onto Femara (similar to Clomid). It was a miracle. I grew a huge, healthy egg which I then ovulated on CD13 (amazing for me, normally I ovulated closer to CD20). I also took Estrace with helped thicken up my lining. We "did our thing" and crossed our fingers.


On August 6th I got those two beautiful pink lines and cried with happiness. I was quite sick throughout my pregnancy (I was put into Diclectin) but I didn't complain-we wanted this baby so badly. I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw our beautiful baby "Ike" (just a blob at that point) moving around and we heard and saw the heartbeat-142 bpm. Hubby was happier than I've ever seen him before.


I then had another ultrasound at just over 9 weeks, and we saw our baby again (looking more like a gummy bear now). He/she was standing on his/her head and waving. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. The heartbeat was 156 bpm and we were told everything looked great. I continued to feel pregnant and my stomach grew hard and round. We told everyone in our lives around 12 weeks, feeling safe and secure.


At 13 weeks we went in for our IPS ultrasound. I knew something was wrong right away. The tech refused to let hubby come in, give me a picture, or even see the screen. She told me to go home and wait for the doctor to call. I knew it was bad. When the doctor called she confirmed my worst fears-the baby no longer had a heartbeat. We were beyond devastated. 

 We went to see the family doctor at 8:30am the next day. She informed us that I had suffered an internal blood clot  that had caused the placenta to come away from the uterine wall which meant the baby didn't get any nutrients. By 4pm that day I was in surgery to have a D&C. I don't remember any of it, but I sure remember the pain afterwards. It was awful. That was Thursday; today is Tuesday. I feel worse than better. I'm starting to think I will never heal. Even though the doctors said we are able to start trying again as soon as we feel ready, I don't know when I'll be ready. I'm just a mess. I just want a baby in our arms.

Why me? Why us? Why our precious Ike? 

Now it's back to the beginning. Again.