Today I would have been 17 weeks. I would have a big, growing belly and I'd be SO happy.
Instead I'm meeting with the Fertility Clinic tonight to discuss our options for my next cycle and to have a Pap. I'm sitting here crying instead of being out enjoying life and my pregnancy.
Sometimes life just sucks.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Angel Baby Poem
A poem I came across online:
To the baby that I carried
But never seen your eyes
Or tell you how much I loved you
Or ever to hear your cries.
You will never be forgotten
The excitement we had for your coming.
When I realized I'd never hold you,
The feeling I had was numbing.
My angel baby is who you are.
My angel baby you'll always be.
Your loving memory will live in my heart
So you will always be right here with me.
-Lori Jager
Quick Update
Just a quick update.
I had an ultrasound and blood work done on Friday to find out if all the retained tissue is gone and to make sure my betas are back to zero. I should (hopefully) get the results tomorrow (Monday). I'll post when I get the results.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP to discuss how things are going and to talk about getting tested for blood clotting disorders. I also have to go to my Fertility Clinic to get swabbed (oh yay) for bacteria in my uterus/cervix. Before my first miscarriage hubby and I were both treated for a very common bacteria that can be passed back and forth and the clinic wants to make sure it is really gone/treated. It can cause miscarriages so it's important that we don't have it.
I spent the weekend sleeping, this lack of vitamin D3 is brutal. I'm exhausted all the time. I hope the extra vitamins kick in soon.
That's about it for me. Not a very inspiring post, but I'll work on one in the next couple days.
I had an ultrasound and blood work done on Friday to find out if all the retained tissue is gone and to make sure my betas are back to zero. I should (hopefully) get the results tomorrow (Monday). I'll post when I get the results.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP to discuss how things are going and to talk about getting tested for blood clotting disorders. I also have to go to my Fertility Clinic to get swabbed (oh yay) for bacteria in my uterus/cervix. Before my first miscarriage hubby and I were both treated for a very common bacteria that can be passed back and forth and the clinic wants to make sure it is really gone/treated. It can cause miscarriages so it's important that we don't have it.
I spent the weekend sleeping, this lack of vitamin D3 is brutal. I'm exhausted all the time. I hope the extra vitamins kick in soon.
That's about it for me. Not a very inspiring post, but I'll work on one in the next couple days.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
3 weeks
Three weeks ago I had surgery and lost my baby.
I thought this grieving process would get easier, but it's getting harder and harder. I keep wishing I could have said "goodbye" and "I love you". I wish I could have had a funeral and buried my baby instead of just having it taken away from me at the hospital. I struggle with those thoughts the most; my baby should have been celebrated instead of just thrown away. It kills me everyday.
Everyone tells me to keep moving forwards; but when my body and mind are in the past, how do you move forwards?
I thought this grieving process would get easier, but it's getting harder and harder. I keep wishing I could have said "goodbye" and "I love you". I wish I could have had a funeral and buried my baby instead of just having it taken away from me at the hospital. I struggle with those thoughts the most; my baby should have been celebrated instead of just thrown away. It kills me everyday.
Everyone tells me to keep moving forwards; but when my body and mind are in the past, how do you move forwards?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Testing, testing
I haven't written in a few days, I've been feeling pretty down. I've been sleeping most of the day; I'm just exhausted. I did enjoy giving out candy on Halloween, but even by 8:30pm I was exhausted and ready for bed.
I got a call from the Fertility Clinic today and they have the results from our chromosome testing. Everything turned out normal (yay!) except for my vitamin D3. I have a pretty severe case of vitamin D3 deficiency. So I'm off to Shopper's when hubby gets home to pick up some vitamins. It explains my depression (along with everything else going on of course) and my extreme tiredness.
I also have a severe UTI at the moment, so I'm back onto antibiotics. Fun times.
That's about it for an update from me. I'm just trying to get by day by day.
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